es, I did have my mammogram today... Why do you ask?

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them,
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them "by law",
Guarded them most carefully
And always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a mammogram.
"OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line)
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled
From underneath my chin,
My poor boob was being squashed
To Swedish Pancake thin!

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within its vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me.
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say.
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now let's have a go at the other one."
"Have mercy", I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down.
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE's never had this done
To HER tender little hide.

Next time they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again
My knockers getting steamrolled!

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have on now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone KER-POW!

This machine was created by a man.
Of this I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how they come out!